The NLCS: Why the Phillies will Beat the Dodgers

The 2009 Major League Baseball National League Championship Series will feature the World Series Champion Phillies against the smog huffing Los Angeles Dodgers. Whoever wins the 2009 NLCS will move on to play in the 2009 MLB World Series and most likely that will be the Philadelphia Phillies. There are many intangibles in baseball, and the Philadelphia Phillies seem to have the edge over the Los Angeles Dodgers in many areas. So before you rush out and buy a not so cheap ticket to the NLCS, you may want to think about what jersey you will wear and what baseball team you will root for.

Dodger stadium was built just a few years after the Civil War ended and has undergone few improvements. Citizens Ballpark was built in 2004 and is part of the South Philadelphia Sports Complex which features Lincoln Financial Stadium, the soon to be demolished Spectrum and The Wachovia Center and an army of obese sweaty men selling fake merchandise and rock hard soft Philadelphia pretzels. Dodger Stadium was built on the ground once occupied by a Mexican- American community which was displaced to make room for the stinking Dodgers and caused the infamous Battle of Chavez Ravine in which the residents were promised public housing but instead were run off the land and not even given a Sandy Koufax Bobblehead.

Karma's a bitch boys!

Philly fans are famous for their passion. Sure they pelted Santa with snowballs but throwing snow at Santa is like throwing water at a marlin, the dude lives in the snow! But Dodger fans are notorious for being obnoxious and violent. Where would you feel safer?

• V Padilla : Throwing well in the playoffs. Used to be a Phillie, traded him for a chubby ball girl and mini bat
• C Kershaw : Young pitcher, low ERA, no shut outs, no complete games, walks batters like they are Dachshunds.
• R Wolf: Nice guy, good pitcher, another former Phillie let go to make room for a new Snapple machine.

• C Lee: Has been solid in the playoffs, rumor has it he will throw every other pitch underhand to give hitters a chance.
• C Hamels: A bit of a tender flower who is streaky but generally effective and gets to go home to a hot wife.
• J Happ: The rookie Phenom was a little shaky in his last start but nothing a little man but slapping can't fix

• C Carlos Ruiz: 3 RBI's, .308 Average, good defense,  Edge Phillies
• 1B R Howard: Clutch hitter, 6 RBI's, .375, Great disposition and Irish name Edge Philly
• 2B C Utley: .429, 5 runs, Ice in his veins, Gold Glove, makes Belliard look like a groundskeeper. Edge Philly
• SS R Furcal: Rollins was one out away from being replaced by the Phanatic. Furcal is hitting .500  Edge Dodgers
• 3B Draw: Both have been sucking 
• OF: A Ethier : 16 total bases, 5 runs, 4 RBI, a rose among the thorns.
• J Worth: 4 runs, 2 HR's, works well under stress and has a hot mom.
• R Ibanez : 5 RBI , .308, Has a cool name chant ( Ra-ulllllllllllllllll)
• Edge Phillies  

The Phillies will beat the Dodgers and take on the Yankees in an east coast throw down not seen since the 1976 Philly Flames knocked out the Bronx Bimbettes in no pad Roller derby. History is about to be made!