SWM 39 : The GYM

I am not, have not and the way things are looking will not be married and as such I have become a student of "love".

This is my life, a pathetic journey into my thoughts and action as I navigate through life.

So I joined a gym. 

I decided to end my 8 year anti hunger strike and to return to the gym since it was costing me $14 a month and all it seemed to do was to  contributes to my ever deepening negative bank balance.

I was sitting on a pect machine trying to give my man boobs ample recovery time when I gazed upon the line of stairmasters, treadmills and dogs runs being used in front of me. My eyes were drawn to the large globes of purple lycra/spandex covering the gluteus incredibly maximus on a black woman directly ahead of me. As one leg would step forward, it's orchid orb would rise and then fall. This would be followed in an exact manner by the opposite side. The seam of the straining fabric was tucked tightly into an increasingly damn asscrack which swayed from side to side with each movement. I found myself mesmerized by the mountainous motion. I began my set and timed my reps to her ass rhythm. As if I were a musician taking my cues from this sweaty metronome, my movements were fluid, my breathing well timed. Ass crack right: breath in, ass crack left: breath out, repeat. It was perhaps one of my best workouts ever.

 I returned to the gym the other night to get  one step closer to not having to shop in the big and tall section when I found myself hating the place once again. The membership is cheap but it is decorated in yellow and black and has a bunch of sissy signs posted all over that deter people from making judgement on one another. There is even a " No Clunking" light and siren which supposedly goes off if you drop weights, grunt or pass a kidney stone too loud.
All of this PC propaganda only serves to make it a big open cavern of IPOD touting zombies who not only don't judge each other( yeah right) but nobody even acknowledges anyones existence. Nobody talks, waves, makes eye contact or even walks near anyone else. Everyone has the same goals and partakes in roughly the same activity yet I have been to baby funerals that were better social events than Planet Fitness. 
I decided that I even though I am trying to become smaller, I would be the bigger man. A guy in his 40's passed buy me who had very well developed arms. He wasn't particularly a big guy, but he had definition. So I stopped him and pointed to his arms, complimenting him on their appearance and asking for any pointers. I am honest enough to know that there most likely isn't a secret that will compensate for my sporadic workout schedule but it was just an ice breaker.
He told me a few things that he did, we laughed about the difference in our size and pointed out some of the ridiculous exercises we see some people doing ( so much for no judgement). He was a very nice guy and then it dawned on me. He may be gay.
He may think I'm gay. People in the gym might think one or both of us are gay. So here I am standing in the middle of Planet Fitness talking to a guy, who I stopped to talk to after pointing out a part of his body, and now I am questioning HIS orientation. I really felt gay at that point.
I learned that he had been out of the country for a while working overseas. He reported that he was in Hungary. I quickly jumped at the opportunity to investigate which one of us was they gay one by asking " aren't the Hungarian women beautiful?"
He smiled and replied " I have to be honest, the Hungarian PEOPLE are beautiful"
I felt like I had just been hit with a rainbow covered pole. He had to point out that it wasn't just the women, but the people and since there are only two kinds of people, he meant the men.
I didn't mind if he was gay, but I looked gayer than him, that I minded.
Now I know why everyone minds there own business. 
I put my earphones in and went back to the bench and shut my mouth before I ended up with a penis in it.