My friend has a sick pooper. A story of tasteless sympathy.

My dear and deranged friend has Colorectal cancer. I am not certain whether the cancer is in his colon or rectum because frankly, I don't want to hear about either in detail. This may sound a bit insensitive being that he does have cancer, but I can think of no particularly comfortable or appropriate time to discuss a mans bowels. It is my own lack of interest in the region of the cancer that prompted me to realize how neglected and ignored this important area is and despite it being a serious and frequent health issue, ass cancer gets no love.

Johnny Famous is a legend around here. He is one of the pioneers of karaoke in the southeastern Pennsylvania region. His quick wit and razor sharp humor has allowed me to forgive him for perpetuating this bad entertainment over the last twenty or so years. He and his band of songbirds have provided a great atmosphere for me to express my sarcasm and appreciation of humanity.

He is one of the few people I will go out of my way for just to say hello. I have always found that how bad my day was, how nonexistent or dysfunctional my sex life had become or when things seemed to just plain suck, Johnny Famous could make you feel better by making you feel worse. In all of the years I have known him he has been even tempered and in good spirits. He rarely misses an opportunity to express an uncomfortable opinion or an inappropriate observation. He is a master of using humor to express his appreciation and love.

It is for him that I write today knowing full well that I will invite the wrath of other cancer survivors, sufferers and sympathizers. Laughter is what our friendship is about and at the expense of himself and others I hope to provide him some equally distasteful humor.

Sympathy is a trait exhibited for and by women. A good example of this is the outpouring of support for breast cancer. I rarely get invites or solicitations for Colorectal cancer walks or fund raisers ( which I have a whole other opinion of: see here) but I frequently run across emails, advertisements and fliers promoting breast cancer. When I first learned that there was going to be a fund raiser for Johnny's sick pooper the first thing I did was think of ass jokes and the second was to share them with him. Some ideas we came up with:

• Everyone has one
• Everyone want's smaller ones
• People  don't want to touch them
• We can't use what comes out of them
• We can't get new ones

Even if asses aren't as fun as boobs, they still deserve some attention. What is lacking is a cute campaign or even a leader or celebrity endorsement. Obviously pink has been trademarked by the boob people, but is brown really the only other color available for " awareness"? Boobs aren't pink so why does the official color of asses have to be brown? Someone is being a bit too anal about the anus!

It is quite apparent that someone needs to step up and change they way we look at asses. This is not to say that the attention towards boobs should be limited rather it is a call for action, education and awareness of a growing problem

We must analyzie the anus!

We must covet the colon!

We must promote a rectal referendum.!

Please see my site if you would like to lend some support for a great friend and a fine comedic influence. If you have enjoyed this or any of my other works I ask that you find it in your heart, or your ass, to help a fella out.

Visit my site Funnebone.com for more information and to donate.

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