Medical Research Funraisers: Walking to fight a disease? Oh please

A few days ago I got this email from an acquaintance:

This weekend I will be participating in the National MS Walk i. I’ve been in the fight against Multiple Sclerosis for the past four years. I am asking you to join me in the fight by making a tax-deductible donation.

Any amount, great or small, helps to make a difference in the lives of people with MS. Please join in the efforts of finding a cure for MS.

As we all know, the cause is a mystery, The cure is unknown, and my mother lives with it, that is why I walk.

If you wish to make a tax-deductible donation the link to my webpage at the MS society is below.

Pretty dramatic language. If this was a press release about the war on terrorism it would be very compelling:

This weekend I will be participating in the onslaught of Baghdad I’ve been in the fight against radical Islam for the past four years. I am asking you to join me in the fight by making a tax-deductible donation.

Any amount, great or small, helps to make a difference in the lives of people fighting for the country and liberty. Please join in the efforts of eliminating radical Islam.

As we all know, the cause is to defend our freedom, The cure is victory, and I believe in our country , that is why I fight.

If you wish to make a tax-deductible donation the link to my webpage at the USO society is below.

Now that is a cause and a plea worth listening to. But to use such strong language for any old reason is just over the top.

"This weekend I will be participating in the National MS Walk I’ve been in the fight against Multiple Sclerosis for the past four years."

She went from participating to FIGHTING, she will be in a bitter battle, wrought with anguish and soaked in blood.

"I am asking you to join me in the fight by making a tax-deductible donation."

There's that fight word again. Pumping people up, and at a fever pitch they...they...sign a check

"Any amount, great or small, helps to make a difference in the lives of people with MS. Please join in the efforts of finding a cure for MS."

A cure? what a fabulous idea....how much does a cure cost?

"As we all know, the cause is a mystery"

Oh, well if the cause was a mystery, I bet finding the cure was painstaking but well worth my money and your "fighting"

, "The cure is unknown, "

Wait, you just asked me for money, but you don't know what you are fighting, how to fight it or what caused it? So I am supposed to shell out money for what....

and my mother lives with it, that is why I walk.

You walk? Walk where? Do you walk to the cure fairy? Do you at least walk carrying MS patients on your back? What the fuck kind of fight is that? If i was in an alley about to be gang raped by a bunch of Canadian gang members, would you burst through the circle and put your hand up and threaten to walk?

She walks...therefore she fights.

I walk everyday, you know what I am fighting...foreclosure, hunger, heart disease, exxon bills...I wish I could get a dime for every yard I " fought"

"If you wish to make a tax-deductible donation the link to my webpage at the MS society is below."

Why do you need your own webpage? What is this MSTube? How much of my donation is going to be spent on webpages, Gatorade, ms tshirts, towels and trophies? And if there is anything left after the big brawl, what do they do with it?

I wonder if this group has bracelets? You know those gay bracelets and ribbons on peoples cars to tell you they are fighting against some shit.

I would love to find one of them on a roadside, bleeding from their mouth. I would walk up and look down:

Man that looks bad

Help me please

How?

Get some help

Ill be right back

I would walk, yes walk, to my car, I would dig through the trash on my floor until I found the brightest taco bell wrapper in the bunch, tie it up into a circle and put it around my wrist. I would walk back to the bleeding douche, and stand above him pointing to my bracelet.

Whats that?

Its a bracelet

What is it for?

It is to show my awareness for head trauma sufferers

I am dying, will you help me!

Yes I will fight for you, I will walk! I will walk until people everywhere know the pain you suffered. I will yell from the highest cliffs " head trauma sucks, stop it now"

And then I will file my bunions and watch dancing with the stars.